Today we went on a mini sight seeing tour to Washington DC (It's funny how you have to add the DC on over here. In the Uk most people, I guess in their ignorance, would assume you meant the country's capital when you say Washington but here most people know that there is also a state called Washington and so you have to differentiate) with Johno, Kevin, Devin and Igor. 

It was a fun trip: many monuments, a visit round the national war cemetery with the grave to the unknown soldier, a brief driving tour, a quick trip round the Natural History Museum (the most crowded experience I have ever had but also free which is a fab idea) and then dinner at an incredible tapas restaurant.

Tom took some good pictures of all of the Obama merchandise that is being produced ready for the Presidents' inauguration on 22 January. Quite amusing. 

I imagine you could spend a very, very long time getting to know the city and still have missed a lot. I enjoyed today though and hope to go back to do something else soon.

A few more things to add to the list:

- an ice-skating rink in the middle of the city - very film-like

- seeing the White House and all of the other v. important buildings you've only ever seen in films

- Christmas Tree bases that you can put water in to stop the needles falling off the tree

- cinemas being open on xmas day for the premieres of new films (you go as a xmas day afternoon activity)

Two more things:

 - fire hydrants like the ones you see shooting out water on hot summer days in films

 - buying milk in gallon cartons

We had the neighbourhood round for mince pies and mulled wine this afternoon. It was fun to meet everyone and, in fact, for everyone to meet each other. Some mentioned that there were people living in their cul-de-sac for 4 years who they'd never met. Amazing, but also seemingly normal western-world-over! Anyhow a big success. Phew. Now to sit back and relax and watch some 'football' on TV while us introverts recover!

I want to take up the advice of a very dear friend of mine who suggested before we moved over here that we should, in the first little while of being here, write down all of the things that we find strange, different, amusing about life and culture over here in oder that we can look back on it in 6 months time and see how accustomed to things we have got. 

So here goes:

1. having a button to open my garage with

2. all of the cars being absolutely huge

3. petrol is very cheap ($25 to fill the tank!)

4. people say 'hihowareyou' in a totally joined on fashion and really REALLY don't mean the how are you bit

5. waiters are very, very friendly (Hi, my name is Brian and I'm going to be your waiter for the evening. I'm 27, live on Acorn Street and am a capricorn...)

6. garbage disposal units

7. having a mail box outside the house, rather than a letter box which the post/mail is posted through your front door through

8. being able to put your stamped post in the mail box outside your house so that post man can take it away when they deliver and you don't have to go to the post office

9. people saying hello to you when walking along

10. cutlery is known as silverware

11. drive through banks

12. winterization of everything

13. weather changing from 32' to 60' in the space of 2 days

14. having an ice making section of the freezer

15. not having to clean out tin cans for recycling!

16. no workmen accepting a cup of tea/coffee/water from you whilst on a job at your house

17. the HUGE amount of junk mail that comes

18. the HUGE amount of junk phone calls that come

19. brown paper bags from supermarkets just like in the films

20. yellow school buses everywhere (I keep expecting to see Otto from the Simpsons driving one)

that's the 1st 20. I'll update with more when they spring to mind and when it's not late.

Tomorrow we have our staff xmas party. FUN FUN FUN!! 

I managed to make the miNce meat for the mince pies. It tastes really good. I think I am ruined for the stuff in jars now...

This is a quick blog as I want to have some lie-and-do-nothing-at-all time before the wee man wakes up. This week seems to have sped by: 

Cars broke down

Reuben turned one

It snowed

We tried to go to the Baltimore aquarium for the $1 entry day but it was sold out so we sat and drank tea and hot chocolate in a Barnes and Noble bookstore instead.

We saw a gaggle of Santas walking the streets of Baltimore in the snow (is there a collective noun for a lot of Santsa together? Answers on a postcard!)

I bought Ribena in a shop which cost probably as much as liquid gold would (but we think it was worth it - it is however rationed to one glass a day!)

We had a really great staff meeting yesterday - I love being part of this team

Tom and I both said something up the front of church for the first time as members of staff and it felt good

I helped decorate the HUGE church xmas tree (brought in from Michigan! Man, the fuel costs of getting it here and sadness of chopping such a big tree down really got to me!)(but it does smell great and looks amazing)

Tonight we are going to watch a football (not soccer) game with a bunch of people and some beer in true american style. It feels like I am living in a film sometimes!

We met our landlord - he was very nice!

We met our neighbour who was putting up his animated and lit xmas decorations in his garden. he was very welcoming

We thought of a 'let's invite our neighbourhood round for mulled wine and mice pies and make the most of the being new brits on the hood and meet people easily' thing, made the invites and I am now panicking as I can't find all the ingredients for mincemeat...

We skyped various members of our family

it was a busy week!

One other thing: contractors (people who blow your leaves, fix your phone wires from being too long, connect your internet up etc) don't accept tea or coffee from you!!!  For an english person this is absolutely the polar opposite from the UK contractors who seem to spend most of their day sitting round drinking tea and do little work. I will always offer though and one day I'll have worn them down so much that they will crack!

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here. Tom, Reubs and I had great fun hanging out with friends, eating turkey, mashed potato, green bean casserole and pumpkin pie. I kind of like the tradition I think - a bit like our harvest festival but much more fun! Reuben took his first shuffly little steps yesterday - only one or two and then falling over, but it's on its way. You wouldn't believe how proud of himself he was. It was amazing!

Things from the past few days:

A new friend being impressed that I used scales for cooking as everything is done in cups here

A trip to Baltimore inner city and outer city to see Katie Kraft and her parents. Lovely time and amazing to see poverty and richness live absolutely side by side but distinctly apart, both defined geographically.

A puncture in our car tyre and then a broken alternator and a need for a new battery. Prayed very hard for God to get us home and we now have the car parked on the driveway to our parking bit where is finally bit the dust. Thank you Lord for getting us home!

A group of mexican workers coming to blow the leaves from our lawn with their white boss. Very humbling, strange 'Tortilla Curtain'-like experience.

Some more snowflakes.

Cooking 3 turkeys to take to a Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless in Baltimore on Friday. They never take as long as you think! Now I have lots of great stock to freeze!

Reuben standing up by himself in the middle of the room with nothing to hold on to. Not too long before he walks?

Not being able to find a blank greetings card without a cheesy one-liner inside

All in all a good few days and a few more good things to look forward to: 

Thanksgiving tomorrow and having a big dinner with 16 others to celebrate it (looking forward to tasting green bean casserole for the 1st time!)

Thanksgiving giveaway on Friday

Katie coming to stay on Saturday

Open mic on Sunday at the church meeting

Today I learnt a new verb: to winterize

Everything everywhere is billboarded about winterization and the need to winterize, through paying someone a large amount of cash, your pipes, car, house etc etc. Today a man turned up at our door and said he was here to winterize the sprinkler system!

It makes me wonder what kind of winter we are letting ourselves in for!!!!

I also bought a magazine called the 'Washingtonian' at the supermarket today as I felt inspired by the headliner: "64 ways to do good".  

It outlined 64 charities in the Washington area that you could help with/donate to. I thought this was a good thing, especially as I had just stuck up a list on our fridge entitled 71 Ways to serve in your community which was a list compiled at a leaders' meeting brainstorm one evening in Bristol. 

I don't know if any of the charities listed are close by but it'd be good to start getting a handle on how to build community and get to know some people around here.

Today it snowed! I love snow and I loved being in snow today. It didn't snow lots but enough to make the sky look beautiful and Reuben realise that something was going on that he hadn't experienced before.

Things are going ok still. The house is coming together and actually looks quite lived in already, which make me feel at home. I am working my way round the supermarkets and slowly building up my store cupboard of ingredients. Fun!! I baked my 2nd loaf of bread and although it got very stuck to the stone I cooked it on it tasted better than the first, which is great!

Today we skyped our lovely friends in Bristol and it made me feel sad. Suddenly realising that we're not going to be going home for a long while and that this isn't just a few-weeks-long holiday hit home. But, despite the sadness, I am still feeling happy to be here and I know that God is with us.

Our new adventure

This is a quick post as we're in the middle of trying to unpack and it's taking forever!

So we only have a few boxes left now and our house is starting to look more like a home - a few pictures up, books on the shelves, a new lamp or two... 

In fact I am LOVING our new home. It's large and spacious and has the most amazing kitchen. It's a huge Godly blessing. It's full of funny gadgets: an extractor fan which rises up out of the work surface beside the hob, a proving drawer for making bread in the bottom of the (HUGE double) oven (which I found out the hard way works in Fahrenheit not centigrade!) and a special tap on the sink which gives you almost boiling water for making tea with!! (this is very handy as we don't have a kettle at the mo and it's driving me nuts having to boil water in saucepans. This clever device speeds things up no end).

We also have the biggest washing machine and tumble dryer in the world. I think Tom or I could easily fit in the drum of them. I don't know how long it's going to take to get enough dirty washing to justify using them!

I have discovered some great supermarkets: Trader Joe's and the International supermarket being my current favourites. The International one is a wonderful combination of a Chinese, Indian, Japanese and Thai supermarkets all rolled into one. Today I managed to buy tapioca starch! (The only things I can't find at the mo are dried limes and kaffir lime leaves but I shall persist!). They also (Mark Churchill) had the biggest selection of dried chillies I have ever seen in the 'latino' bit!

The weather has been very odd: two days ago it was 70 degrees and we had the windows open. Today it was low 40s and snowing. Crazy! BUT I am loving the autumn and living in a very tree-ey area and walking through nice rustly leaves!

All in all we are doing very well and are happy and settling in. Just wish all of our Bristol friends could also see it!

We are just coming to the end of our 2 week stay in the Algarve with Tom's parents. It's been really lovely. 10 days of sun and a few of cloud (helping us get re-acclimatised to the UK no doubt!) and a bit of respite from the daily chores of UK life. It hasn't been what we used to call a holiday in the sense that we still have to care for Reuben, but a break it has been nonetheless.

Whilst here I browsed a couple of books: 'Living Water' by Brother Yun and another by a missionary called Jackie Emmens about her life in Brazil with her husband. Both great books. Notably they have renewed a burning desire inside me to live a life with God in its entirety, not just inviting God in to most of it. Jackie's book is full of a life lived like this and below are some bits from Brother Yun's book which I found poignant and I hope will illustrate what I mean. They are from the chapter on Hearing God's Voice.

'In Jesus I have a simple theology. I believe God speaks to His children all the time. We just need to listen and obey. When we start to obey His voice, we see His power and authority in us and operating through us...the main way that God speaks to His sheep is through the bible...but i also believe that the Holy Spirit guides followers of Christ by directing them and guiding them daily.

(in China) the house churches had problems when undercover agents came along to spy on the believers and see if they could gather information that might be used against them later. The Christians prayed and asked God what they should do. The Lord told them to stop announcing the place and time of their meetings and instead trust that the Holy Spirit would reveal the details to each person He wanted to come to the meeting. On the day of the next meeting, nobody except the leader knew where the church service would be held or at what time, but one by one believers began to turn up, all having been told by the Holy Spirit where to go when they were praying that morning.

I am convinced that one of the reasons many Christians struggle to hear God's voice is simply because they don't take time to be quiet and listen...to hear God's voice, you have to stop listening to your own heart and mind. You need to stop listening to the news and to people who love to air their worthless opinions. You also need to stop taking heed of the voice of Satan and giving attention to evil thoughts... He speaks in a whisper and only those who are willing to get away from the roar of the world will be able to hear Him speak. We have no right to be afraid of what people think or say about us. In fact, we have no right to even be interested in peoples opinions of us. we are meant to be dead to this world and everything that it represents. A dead person doesn't care what he looks like of what others think of him. All that matters is God!

It is time for more Christians to be like Augustine, who would read the gospels in the morning and then go out in the afternoon and put into action what he had just read... When you start to obey God and give your life unreservedly to His purposes, He will begin to share His heart with you.

On getting my nose pierced (again) and going back to work...

Two days ago I bit the bullet and got my nose pierced again. I had it pierced when I was younger from the ages of 19-around 28 and then took it out as I thought I was getting too old for it (and I wanted my mother-in-law to like me!). Ironically now I am 6 years older I have regressed and had it done again and oddly enough I feel much more 'me' all over. I must say though I didn't remember it hurting quite so much the first time round! The lady in the piercing place near our house did it with a needle rather than a gun (which are apparently illegal now) and it definitely made my eyes water! She was really nice though and we had a great chat afterwards about life, decisions, babies. It was good to be out of my christian bubble and remember what the world is like.

Talking of which, I went back to work today for the first time in 10.5 months. It hasn't actually been as bad as I had anticipated. It was yucky having to leave Reuben behind (but thankfully Tom is looking after him rather than having to hand him over to someone I didn't know) but it's quite easy to fit back into things here, see old friends and my favourite mug is even still here!

This is my current favourite photo...

(also: very excited that Nadal won! what a superb game of tennis!)

PS

Reuben now has his first two teeth through! bottom front. Very cute, although sometimes a little sad when he bites himself as he's not used to them yet!

We have now returned from our travels: Portugal, Scotland, Manchester and Cambridge, visiting all of our relatives and are now back in Bristol again. Now we are in Bristol until we leave properly, aside from a one-week camping trip at the start of August. It feels good to be home and settled for a bit. Traveling was great but tiring and Reuben was amazing but I think it's nice for him to be home and able to play with the girls in the house again.

Still waiting for the visa. This waiting/limbo time is a good process to go through: a necessary mourning, letting go and feeling really excited about new things. It also means that our friendships change but move into a nicer, more relaxed state of being rather than needing to cram 'quality time' in before we go. We were on our church's houseparty this weekend and Ros spoke about the parable of the sower and how lots is about patience and waiting for seeds to grow. It feels like we are in the germinating phase. That we have had things sown and now the are being watered and are sprouting but are yet to pop up out of the surface of the soil. It seemed quite apt.

As an aside today is the men's tennis final at Wimbledon. Generally I love watching Wimbledon but this year it is really stressing me out for some reason. I really want Nadal to win but after being 2 sets up and now in a tie in the final set I have a horrible feeling he may lose and I'll be sad. the adrenalin is almost too much to take!

On being in transition

Tom and I are moving out of our house on Saturday. It's a strange old time. We're very busy packing up our lives here but still without anywhere permanent to go as we still don't have a visa for the US. Tom finished work 2 weeks ago and we've been steadily boxing things up, getting rid of much, selling other things and holding onto sentimental stuff. We are moving just up the road to stay with some great friends until our visa arrives and we find ourselves in an odd place of flux - of wanting to make the most of the time we have to 'be' as a family, but also being unable to make concrete plans as we don't know quite how long we do have; of wanting to move onto our new place to do life but also not being able to let go of what we have here yet either physically as we still have to be here and emotionally as we love the people here; of living with very little but knowing that we have some things in storage; of knowing how much we have but feeling poor in worldly terms; of feeling unsettled and trying to let go of needing to know what's happening!

there. that's it for now...

(Barleycup post-script)

Tom has now joined the band wagon, come out of the closet and announced he is a secret fan of Barleycup too. 

Momentum is building. 

It could be THE cool new drink!! 

How very exciting!!

barley cup, barley, cup, ooh barley, barley cup 

(to be sing to the tune of lollipop by The Chordettes)

I have found a fellow afficionado on loving barley cup - hooray for Jacqui!

At the moment I am wrestling with remembering who I am in God and letting him again do some nice work deep inside. I am re-reading (again) one of the most influential books I have found and today am focusing on this bit:

"As the Beloved of my heavenly Father, "I can walk in the valley of darkness; no evil would i fear". As the Beloved, I can "cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils. Having "received without charge," I can "give without charge". As the Beloved, I can confront, console, admonish, and encourage without fear of rejection or need for affirmation. As the Beloved, I can suffer persecution without desire for revenge and receive praise without using it as proof of my goodness. As the Beloved, I can be tortured and killed without ever having to doubt that the love that is given to me is stronger than death. As the Beloved, I am free to live and give life, free also to die while giving this life." (pg 39)

Nouwen is a good man.

A Brave Attempt

I found myself laughing very much today because of this news article. Can't really say much more about it except that it's always worth a go!

today I have got one of those annoying things on the tip of my tongue where one little bud swells up and is super, super sore. Very frustrating!

but the guys prayed for my finger last night at housegroup and it's not hurting anymore so that's very good!

our wee man has chicken pox! only a mild case but still a bit sad to see :  (

it has been a long while since i posted. life has been up and down but is generally moving up now, thankfully. thank you my wonderful husband and my friends for being such wonderful supports to me. community rocks!

"We find it absolutely totally unacceptable that somebody in our midst would be struggling with an addiction: despair, an eating disorder, drugs, alcohol, cutting themselves, financial hardship, and would  not have people around them to help them with it. It is absolutely unacceptable to us that someone would suffer alone. It is everything that the church is not about..."

A powerful statement (Rob Bell at Mars Hill) and one that made me cry and ask how much of that do I, as part of the body, hold as a value in my life, and how much do we as a body here hold as a value in community living. For something to be utterly unacceptable is a hard thing to achieve but I know, in my spirit, that it is, it has to be, a Kingdom value. So what to do about it?

A sad day...

Today one of our goldfish, Ginger, died. Now there is only Fred.

A sad moment.

A momentous day!

Today is a momentous day: for the first time since the wee man was born (11 weeks ago tomorrow) i have mopped the kitchen and hall floors. 

It is momentous for two reasons:

1. I HATE more than almost any other task mopping the floor (it is topped in my hatred stakes by hanging clothes in the wardrobe. I can fold and put them in drawers no problem but for some reason I have a psychological block when it comes to hanging...). I spent 4 months in Switzerland having to mop many many many many many corridors of floors and the idea of it fills me with dread now

2. I have enough energy again (although i will be sitting down with a coffee and a book now for a while while the man sleeps) to be able to do it. Recovery has been long and arduous, but this morning I managed to go back to sleep for a while and I think in fact I totalled 8.25 hours sleep (almost) straight last night and so today I am feeling cheery and good.

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!! Off for a coffee and a well-earned rest now :  )

I was reading through the books to the Thessalonians the other day and was struck by this verse:

"Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other." (1 thess 4 v9)

I suddenly realised how powerful it was: that actually God, the living God, had intervened and himself come and taught the people there. 

It made me think of the joys I have had when I remember that God truly is real, here, alive, when I have almost tasted his presence on my tongue. 

It makes me thirst and long again for Him, to live 'in communion' with Him, constantly in His presence, not just in a holy huddle, but in walking the streets, in having a coffee, in looking at my son. 

I guess that is what Living in the Kingdom is meant to be. 

It's so hard to write it down in words and often when you try to explain it to people you miss the essence of what you're trying to say. I guess it misses God - only He can give that taste of how good He is, that  feeling of wanting to constantly be in that place, of wanting more, of being utterly loved. 

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, o God. My soul thirsts for god, for the living God.

So come Lord, come.

Some ramblings...

Today I am giving myself the luxury of staying in bed for the morning. Reuben is happily sleeping next door and I am equipped with my book (currently 'The court of the air' by Stephen Hunt), a big cup of tea, my journal and bible, my mobile and the computer. What more could I ask for!! (Maybe my husband... but we have Fridays to be lazy together on). Today is a treat, a being nice to myself day. Hooray!

As a slight aside I saw a news article (BBC website) today about a French mechanic who has designed a car that runs on air. it could totally be the way forward! The cars are expected to be on the market sometime next year and will only cost £2500. The get up to 80 miles an hour and take only 3 minutes to fill up. Great news for the world!

Yesterday I was explaining to someone about the 'Lent  challenge' and realised once again what a good discipline it is to do. As a community within the church we have agreed to live on the minimum wage for our expenses (food, petrol (maybe air next year!), clothing, presents, going out). There are complicated sums to do to work out how much you get but it's roughly £60 a week. It teaches you great things about how you fritter away cash, how God provides, how community is so important (we eat together twice a week to save money and reap the benefits of building better relationships), about learning how a large group of people in the country survive. All round a very good thing to do. The housegroup we used to go to who introduced us to this idea are this year doing a carbon fast over lent, trying to reduce their carbon imprint on the planet. All a bit better than just giving up chocolate I reckon...

some new photos of our wee man... still as great as ever.

A couple of things...

Firstly something that happened the other day in Tesco (biggest supermarket chain in the UK). As I was at the checkout my card went into the machine to pay and all of a sudden an announcement over the tannoy said there was going to be a 1 minute silence for a young colleague who'd suddenly died the week before. People do have minute silences often, but it was remarkable to me for two reasons. Firstly that Tesco, so generally hated for selling out, so profit-driven etc, would do something so thoughtful - it made me remember that the individuals that work there are human and have feelings too, they're not just 'the corporation'. Secondly peoples' responses stunned me. It wasn't just that there was quiet for 1 minute, but also that everyone in the entire shop stopped for one minute: those working and those shopping alike, even if they had no idea who he was. Time was suspended and people stood in the isles like statues, suddenly coming back to life again when the minute was announced to be up. Then it was all back to normal, my card payment went through and I left. A weird but good moment.

Secondly I came across a good quote the other day from a man called Gordon Dalbey from his book 'Fight like a man' (I wasn't reading it, it was quoted somewhere else!). Sadly I can't quite remember what it was exactly but the sentiment was something along the lines of often man digs himself into holes that he is then actually unable to get himself out of. It is easy to look upon the man and judge him. However we shouldn't do - we should help him as a body of believers and friends to get out. The only thing to condemn is the lack of desire to be humble and accept help. I decided to give myself a bit of grace and stop condemning myself so much, to be humble and ask for help from those around me. The new man is growing...

with reference to my husband's most recent blog I can reveal that when he found the offending beast, upon enquiry as to what he did with it, he revealed this evening that he did in fact wrap it up in a tissue and condemned it to die a smelly death wrapped up in a soiled nappy in a bucket full of soiled nappies... Starting to feel slightly less sympathetic!

Today I have had a good day: some good praying over me, some nice times with friends, a sleeping baby (he had his 8 weeks inoculations) and a nice dinner. Everyone keeps saying one day at a time and that is proving to be very true!

Off to rescue Tom from a now not-sleeping-at-all-and-in-fact-very-grumpy baby...

Not for those who aren't into bodily stuff... 

Really...!

- Another motivated-by-tom blog in order to bring some smiling to my face where is has been feeling sad with the strains of coming to terms with being a mum -

I have been struggling to figure out how to use a breast pump. A friend kindly lent me one as I was interested in being able to go to bed early and let Tom give Reuben his last feed. So I took it apart and duly sterilised it. Sadly, when I put it back together and gave it a go I couldn't seem to get anything out. I tried on a few differeent occasions and then decided it just wasn't for me - I was one of those unlucky (?!) women who it didn't work for. Tom washed it up so we could give it back and suddenly realised that if you put the little star-shaped piece in the other way up then actually it works differently. So I gave it a whirl once more and managed to get 6oz out in 5 minutes!!! Oh yes, I am a milk-machine! (clearly this was a little too fast as I was quite sore afterwards but how was I to know you weren't just meant to hold down the handle if it was just coming out?!)

A good achievement for the day.

On another happy note the small, very, very pummelled new man won another david & goliath-type victory when I'd suddenly had a mustard seed of faith and decided I'd had enough of my bed not feeling a nice place to be due to not being able to sleep. We took communion before sleeping, the atmosphere lightened and I slept well for the first time in 3 weeks or so, albeit enhanced slightly by the doctor's help! Now I have a safe-haven. Nice. Thank you Lord.

On not being a super-mum...

I am finally coming to the realisation that being a mum is hard work, takes me totally out of my comfort zones and that I can't do everything. Hard for someone who by nature likes to be in control, do lots and, sadly, is a still a proud people-pleaser underneath.

The Lord has undone me and continues to show me who he is and who I am and I am once again in a wonderfully humbled and sat at his feet. Well getting there anyhow.

The 'old man' still wants to rule, to be in charge, to do everything. The 'new man', who seems so small at the moment and feeling quite pummelled by the old man, is living in the understanding that actually it's ok to find things hard and run the risk of falling apart and people seeing who he is underneath. BUT at least the new man is there and is letting himself simply 'be' before God: the only place for him to grow strong and outgrow the old man.

Today I listened to David Crowder and one of his songs is my prayer for the moment:

Take my heart, I lay it down
At the feet of You who’s crowned
And take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up, to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And it’s just You and me here now
Only You and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You


On the up-side (not that being humbled by God is a down side, far from it, just it's hard), our little man is just absolutely gorgeous and is bringing me huge amounts of joy. One smile and I melt... Tom has put some new photos on his flicker account How lovely is he!!

On being a neurotic mother...

My lovely husband has said that I must blog about this and I guess he's right, if only to make me understand how nonsensical my actions were.
Last night Reuben had a meal at 9.15pm. It's an hour or so earlier than normal but he was really hungry and so he ate. Normally he would then wake up 4-5 hours later. So when I woke up at 3.15am and he still hadn't woken me up i sprang out of bed and dashed in to make sure he was ok. He was so utterly asleep that it was actually quite hard to make him move when I poked him to see if he was still alive. I then thought he'd wake up soon so lay down to snooze on the make-shift bed we have in his room until he woke up and waited... and waited... and waited. An hour and no more sleep later he still hadn't woken up so I went in to tell Tom (as he re-phrased it this morning) that our son was breathing and asleep. Not best pleased. So then I spent an agonising other 45 minutes waiting and waiting and trying not to get stressed and paranoid and fearful. Eventually I went to sleep around 6 and then proceeded to have nightmares when he's been abducted in a lorry and Tom and I were trying to find him before he died of hunger, having slipped into a hunger-induced coma and being unable to cry to let us know where he was.

I am very tired today and hoping that when he next decided to sleep that long (I'm sure 5 week old babies aren't meant to be able to do that yet) I will be able to rest assured that he has done it before and will be able to do it again.

Today I am resting in this nice place - a Vineyard song based on psalm 23. It fits with my general feeling of being a little like Mary, storing up things in my heart and pondering them as the day passes by. It's a nice place to be.

Oh Lord, my shepherd be
And beside still waters lead
And among green pastures make me lie
You are with me to the end
In the paths of righteousness
For the glory of Your name
Keep me safe, that I may know always
You are with me to the end
You are with me, You are with me
You are with me to the end
There's no other friend and Savior
You are with me to the end
For when the shadows fall
And the night is closing in
You are here, no evil will I fear
You are with me to the end