"We find it absolutely totally unacceptable that somebody in our midst would be struggling with an addiction: despair, an eating disorder, drugs, alcohol, cutting themselves, financial hardship, and would  not have people around them to help them with it. It is absolutely unacceptable to us that someone would suffer alone. It is everything that the church is not about..."

A powerful statement (Rob Bell at Mars Hill) and one that made me cry and ask how much of that do I, as part of the body, hold as a value in my life, and how much do we as a body here hold as a value in community living. For something to be utterly unacceptable is a hard thing to achieve but I know, in my spirit, that it is, it has to be, a Kingdom value. So what to do about it?

A sad day...

Today one of our goldfish, Ginger, died. Now there is only Fred.

A sad moment.

A momentous day!

Today is a momentous day: for the first time since the wee man was born (11 weeks ago tomorrow) i have mopped the kitchen and hall floors. 

It is momentous for two reasons:

1. I HATE more than almost any other task mopping the floor (it is topped in my hatred stakes by hanging clothes in the wardrobe. I can fold and put them in drawers no problem but for some reason I have a psychological block when it comes to hanging...). I spent 4 months in Switzerland having to mop many many many many many corridors of floors and the idea of it fills me with dread now

2. I have enough energy again (although i will be sitting down with a coffee and a book now for a while while the man sleeps) to be able to do it. Recovery has been long and arduous, but this morning I managed to go back to sleep for a while and I think in fact I totalled 8.25 hours sleep (almost) straight last night and so today I am feeling cheery and good.

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!! Off for a coffee and a well-earned rest now :  )

I was reading through the books to the Thessalonians the other day and was struck by this verse:

"Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other." (1 thess 4 v9)

I suddenly realised how powerful it was: that actually God, the living God, had intervened and himself come and taught the people there. 

It made me think of the joys I have had when I remember that God truly is real, here, alive, when I have almost tasted his presence on my tongue. 

It makes me thirst and long again for Him, to live 'in communion' with Him, constantly in His presence, not just in a holy huddle, but in walking the streets, in having a coffee, in looking at my son. 

I guess that is what Living in the Kingdom is meant to be. 

It's so hard to write it down in words and often when you try to explain it to people you miss the essence of what you're trying to say. I guess it misses God - only He can give that taste of how good He is, that  feeling of wanting to constantly be in that place, of wanting more, of being utterly loved. 

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, o God. My soul thirsts for god, for the living God.

So come Lord, come.

Some ramblings...

Today I am giving myself the luxury of staying in bed for the morning. Reuben is happily sleeping next door and I am equipped with my book (currently 'The court of the air' by Stephen Hunt), a big cup of tea, my journal and bible, my mobile and the computer. What more could I ask for!! (Maybe my husband... but we have Fridays to be lazy together on). Today is a treat, a being nice to myself day. Hooray!

As a slight aside I saw a news article (BBC website) today about a French mechanic who has designed a car that runs on air. it could totally be the way forward! The cars are expected to be on the market sometime next year and will only cost £2500. The get up to 80 miles an hour and take only 3 minutes to fill up. Great news for the world!

Yesterday I was explaining to someone about the 'Lent  challenge' and realised once again what a good discipline it is to do. As a community within the church we have agreed to live on the minimum wage for our expenses (food, petrol (maybe air next year!), clothing, presents, going out). There are complicated sums to do to work out how much you get but it's roughly £60 a week. It teaches you great things about how you fritter away cash, how God provides, how community is so important (we eat together twice a week to save money and reap the benefits of building better relationships), about learning how a large group of people in the country survive. All round a very good thing to do. The housegroup we used to go to who introduced us to this idea are this year doing a carbon fast over lent, trying to reduce their carbon imprint on the planet. All a bit better than just giving up chocolate I reckon...

some new photos of our wee man... still as great as ever.

A couple of things...

Firstly something that happened the other day in Tesco (biggest supermarket chain in the UK). As I was at the checkout my card went into the machine to pay and all of a sudden an announcement over the tannoy said there was going to be a 1 minute silence for a young colleague who'd suddenly died the week before. People do have minute silences often, but it was remarkable to me for two reasons. Firstly that Tesco, so generally hated for selling out, so profit-driven etc, would do something so thoughtful - it made me remember that the individuals that work there are human and have feelings too, they're not just 'the corporation'. Secondly peoples' responses stunned me. It wasn't just that there was quiet for 1 minute, but also that everyone in the entire shop stopped for one minute: those working and those shopping alike, even if they had no idea who he was. Time was suspended and people stood in the isles like statues, suddenly coming back to life again when the minute was announced to be up. Then it was all back to normal, my card payment went through and I left. A weird but good moment.

Secondly I came across a good quote the other day from a man called Gordon Dalbey from his book 'Fight like a man' (I wasn't reading it, it was quoted somewhere else!). Sadly I can't quite remember what it was exactly but the sentiment was something along the lines of often man digs himself into holes that he is then actually unable to get himself out of. It is easy to look upon the man and judge him. However we shouldn't do - we should help him as a body of believers and friends to get out. The only thing to condemn is the lack of desire to be humble and accept help. I decided to give myself a bit of grace and stop condemning myself so much, to be humble and ask for help from those around me. The new man is growing...