with reference to my husband's most recent blog I can reveal that when he found the offending beast, upon enquiry as to what he did with it, he revealed this evening that he did in fact wrap it up in a tissue and condemned it to die a smelly death wrapped up in a soiled nappy in a bucket full of soiled nappies... Starting to feel slightly less sympathetic!

Today I have had a good day: some good praying over me, some nice times with friends, a sleeping baby (he had his 8 weeks inoculations) and a nice dinner. Everyone keeps saying one day at a time and that is proving to be very true!

Off to rescue Tom from a now not-sleeping-at-all-and-in-fact-very-grumpy baby...

Not for those who aren't into bodily stuff... 

Really...!

- Another motivated-by-tom blog in order to bring some smiling to my face where is has been feeling sad with the strains of coming to terms with being a mum -

I have been struggling to figure out how to use a breast pump. A friend kindly lent me one as I was interested in being able to go to bed early and let Tom give Reuben his last feed. So I took it apart and duly sterilised it. Sadly, when I put it back together and gave it a go I couldn't seem to get anything out. I tried on a few differeent occasions and then decided it just wasn't for me - I was one of those unlucky (?!) women who it didn't work for. Tom washed it up so we could give it back and suddenly realised that if you put the little star-shaped piece in the other way up then actually it works differently. So I gave it a whirl once more and managed to get 6oz out in 5 minutes!!! Oh yes, I am a milk-machine! (clearly this was a little too fast as I was quite sore afterwards but how was I to know you weren't just meant to hold down the handle if it was just coming out?!)

A good achievement for the day.

On another happy note the small, very, very pummelled new man won another david & goliath-type victory when I'd suddenly had a mustard seed of faith and decided I'd had enough of my bed not feeling a nice place to be due to not being able to sleep. We took communion before sleeping, the atmosphere lightened and I slept well for the first time in 3 weeks or so, albeit enhanced slightly by the doctor's help! Now I have a safe-haven. Nice. Thank you Lord.

On not being a super-mum...

I am finally coming to the realisation that being a mum is hard work, takes me totally out of my comfort zones and that I can't do everything. Hard for someone who by nature likes to be in control, do lots and, sadly, is a still a proud people-pleaser underneath.

The Lord has undone me and continues to show me who he is and who I am and I am once again in a wonderfully humbled and sat at his feet. Well getting there anyhow.

The 'old man' still wants to rule, to be in charge, to do everything. The 'new man', who seems so small at the moment and feeling quite pummelled by the old man, is living in the understanding that actually it's ok to find things hard and run the risk of falling apart and people seeing who he is underneath. BUT at least the new man is there and is letting himself simply 'be' before God: the only place for him to grow strong and outgrow the old man.

Today I listened to David Crowder and one of his songs is my prayer for the moment:

Take my heart, I lay it down
At the feet of You who’s crowned
And take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up, to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And it’s just You and me here now
Only You and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You


On the up-side (not that being humbled by God is a down side, far from it, just it's hard), our little man is just absolutely gorgeous and is bringing me huge amounts of joy. One smile and I melt... Tom has put some new photos on his flicker account How lovely is he!!

On being a neurotic mother...

My lovely husband has said that I must blog about this and I guess he's right, if only to make me understand how nonsensical my actions were.
Last night Reuben had a meal at 9.15pm. It's an hour or so earlier than normal but he was really hungry and so he ate. Normally he would then wake up 4-5 hours later. So when I woke up at 3.15am and he still hadn't woken me up i sprang out of bed and dashed in to make sure he was ok. He was so utterly asleep that it was actually quite hard to make him move when I poked him to see if he was still alive. I then thought he'd wake up soon so lay down to snooze on the make-shift bed we have in his room until he woke up and waited... and waited... and waited. An hour and no more sleep later he still hadn't woken up so I went in to tell Tom (as he re-phrased it this morning) that our son was breathing and asleep. Not best pleased. So then I spent an agonising other 45 minutes waiting and waiting and trying not to get stressed and paranoid and fearful. Eventually I went to sleep around 6 and then proceeded to have nightmares when he's been abducted in a lorry and Tom and I were trying to find him before he died of hunger, having slipped into a hunger-induced coma and being unable to cry to let us know where he was.

I am very tired today and hoping that when he next decided to sleep that long (I'm sure 5 week old babies aren't meant to be able to do that yet) I will be able to rest assured that he has done it before and will be able to do it again.

Today I am resting in this nice place - a Vineyard song based on psalm 23. It fits with my general feeling of being a little like Mary, storing up things in my heart and pondering them as the day passes by. It's a nice place to be.

Oh Lord, my shepherd be
And beside still waters lead
And among green pastures make me lie
You are with me to the end
In the paths of righteousness
For the glory of Your name
Keep me safe, that I may know always
You are with me to the end
You are with me, You are with me
You are with me to the end
There's no other friend and Savior
You are with me to the end
For when the shadows fall
And the night is closing in
You are here, no evil will I fear
You are with me to the end