It has been a long time since I've blogged. Many reasons: having friends to stay, moving house, life issues and joining Facebook. But the need has come to process again.

Yesterday we went to the last day of a conference at Cedar Ridge community church. The building is set in a large bunch of acres of grassy farmland in which they have set up prayer stations and a labyrinth. During Reuben's sleep time I decided to go round the labyrinth to cast some woes upon Jesus and see what came of it. I haven't been sleeping much over the last few days and was exhausted, with lots of questions about why fears are there. I walked around the labyrinth, heavier with each step until I came to the middle where I sat and wept and wept in front of my God. He took my tears and showed me a memory of a painful moment of my childhood which caused some of my anxiety and broke its power. I found my abba again and walked out of the labyrinth lighter-hearted.

I realised how little I have been looking after myself, probably for a long while now. I have become consumed with making sure life happens and coping and getting on with things. Fatal, almost, error. I realised how much more I need to take some time each week to be alone, out of the house with no responsibility and how much I need days like yesterday where I can walk in fields and be with my abba. Let it be Lord. Help me and us to make space.

It also made me think about the wonderful treasure there is in historical, liturgical, mysterious ways of meeting with God. The monastic life has survived for a long time and has many plus points to learn from I think. I was looking at a website today that had a picture of the cloisters of a monastery on it and I could almost breath in the peace which my soul remembered from spending retreat days in them in the UK.